So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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