She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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