Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he thought i was a dude.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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