It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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