My sheets look like a crime scene.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
