I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
