I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
