I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
