I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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