Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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