I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
