How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
