Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
