Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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