The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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