Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
