Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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