Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
