Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
