Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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