Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize