My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
