Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
