what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize