i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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