I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
