I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
