Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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