Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
