i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize