Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I touched a dick in church today
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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