I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
