I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
