just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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