This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize