He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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