i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
