I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
