I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
