He disabled his match.com account in front of me
too bad you live with your parents still
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is Oprah even human
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
