My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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