maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
