i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize