p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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