did you get engaged???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
