I am puke
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
