Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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