i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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