my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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