Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
