i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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