Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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