i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
