oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
