Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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