I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
