hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
