Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
