this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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