I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
