if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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