i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
