I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
