just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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