I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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