pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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