You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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