Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need moral support for this bender
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
