yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
