me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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