i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
