I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
