I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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