I cannot find my penis.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
should my penis look like a turkey
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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